13
Feb
09

He Learned It From The Choir Director

Woodland Woody

Woodland Woody

I guess T.D. Jakes was late on his tithes this month. His son, Jermaine Jakes (not to be confused with Jackson) was caught publicly exposing himself in a Dallas park. The Lawd would not approve. Dude was apparently bold as hell; and it goes a little something like this:

The affidavit says Jakes walked up to one of the detectives at the park with his pants unzipped. Jakes then began to masturbate while making eye contact with the detective, according to the affidavit.

Let’s hope that Jermaine is not easily broken because he could have been getting all he could handle in the big (dick) house. Lucky for him indecent exposure won’t necessarily land you in jail.

Bonus Track: Here’s the affidavit.

-Billy Bad Ass

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22 Responses to “He Learned It From The Choir Director”


  1. 1 favorisntfair
    February 17, 2009 at 1:40 AM

    I been in my prayer closet for darn near 3 days over this ish right here. He needs an exorcism of sorts if he can rub one off and give the police the fierce face while doing it. I am indeed scared of this man. *commencing to bow my head to pray*

  2. 2 damnfools
    February 17, 2009 at 1:42 AM

    Dear Lawd,
    Please cure this man of his zestyness and help him to use his boldness in ways that would glorify you. Whipping out wang is not what you intended for this servent. Please un-dusty his knees and help him use his hands for more productive things, like churning butter.

    A-mamn

  3. 3 favorisntfair
    February 17, 2009 at 2:03 AM

    *doing my glory lap around the living room with my MLK/Taylor Funeral Home fan* Hallelu-yer!

  4. 4 damnfools
    February 17, 2009 at 2:05 AM

    Please don’t neglect to leave a love offering for the family. We take checks, Visa, American Express, Discover, Diner’s Club, and there’s an ATM in the front lobby.

    -Billy Bad Ass

  5. 5 favorisntfair
    February 17, 2009 at 2:23 AM

    Ummm, do you take IOU’s, EBT (I got $50 in food stamps in lieu of a $25 love offering, we eating over here!) or post-dated checks? Better yet, do yall have a payment plan?

  6. 6 damnfools
    February 17, 2009 at 2:26 AM

    Food stamps and gifts of non-legal tender cannot be accepted. The pastor’s Benz payment is due.

    -Billy Bad Ass

  7. 7 favorisntfair
    February 17, 2009 at 2:26 AM

    I hope he got out before Valentine’s. Those n*gg’s on cell block D mighta be trying to give him the best that they got and telling him, “It’s on the way!” (In TD Jakes voice) -dead at self…lol.

  8. 8 damnfools
    February 17, 2009 at 2:28 AM

    I hope so too. Otherwise he got made into someone’s funny valentine. Though I’m sure he didn’t mind getting a chocolate bar for the evening.

  9. 9 favorisntfair
    February 17, 2009 at 2:31 AM

    Okay, Pastor might have to make some payment arrangements cause I’m giving him the best I got with some homemade mac n cheese on the side. Btw, what part of the stimulus plan deems it necessary for Pastor to have a Benz? Mercedes Benz is not part of the big 3 (The Father, Son, Holy Spirt or GM, Ford and Chrysler). I am not sure the Beloved One (i.e. Pres. Obama) would approve.

  10. 10 damnfools
    February 17, 2009 at 2:33 AM

    BamBam’s package takes time. Mercedes wants their money now. God helps those who help themselves (to the tithes that is).

  11. 11 favorisntfair
    February 17, 2009 at 2:38 AM

    Pastor might have to get some taps on those gators and walk it out. I didn’t want to be impatient and file rapid for my taxes so EBT or a post-dated check (still with some mac n cheese on the side)is the best I can do. Plus, I already got my eye on some stuff at Big Lots and Wal-Mart I been dying to get so Pastor gone have to get it how he live.

  12. 12 damnfools
    February 17, 2009 at 2:42 AM

    See there, going to Big Lots and Wally World instead of dropping them dollars in the plate. That right there is how blessings get blocked. First Lady can make mac and cheese but she can’t make a new hat.

  13. 13 favorisntfair
    February 17, 2009 at 2:45 AM

    Well clearly she got champagne taste depending on n*ggette’s like me with Kool-Aid money (don’t judge me…I’m still a work in progress while serving sweet baby Jesus the best I can) and that sh*t needs to stop. So I’ma make that happen captain.

    -Your Holy Sanctified Sister in Christ,

    favorisntfair

  14. 14 damnfools
    February 17, 2009 at 2:47 AM

    One person with Kool-Aid cash doesn’t help the cause. SEVERAL people with Kool-Aid cash does. I suggest you do your share lest the congregation deem you unfit in the eyes of the Lawd.

  15. 15 favorisntfair
    February 17, 2009 at 3:02 AM

    I’ma have to go to my prayer closet on whether or not that big screen and entertainment center I been eyeing since last year’s taxes is a want or need. I’m also gone be asking the Lawd if making sure that the First Lady got the newest and latest hats is considered misappropriating funds that are meant for Him and the Kingdom. I ain’t read no where in the Word that the First Lady got to be suited and booted. I’m sensing in the spirit that I might just need to call a member’s meeting! *making mental note to call Clarence the choir director immediately so we can give you the fierce side eye at bible study…after I have sang and lead the praise team of course*

    P.S. Don’t be surprised if yall a couple of plates short after church. hmpfh!

  16. 16 damnfools
    February 17, 2009 at 3:04 AM

    There is nothing wrong with contributing to First Lady’s Versace fund, she has to look good when she meets the Savior. And a super side-eye is already going to CumCatcherClarence. Don’t think nobody heard about his exploits at Club Shaft.

  17. 17 favorisntfair
    February 17, 2009 at 3:12 AM

    There is nothing wrong with me making sure that I got a 60 inch tv tuned in to the 700 club so I can know when the Savior is coming! Clarence is clearly a works in progress so don’t judge him, just tell them deacons to stop meeting him down there at Club Shaft an “enabling him” if you will.

    Your “Sanctified-But-Bout-To-Put-Her-Salvation-On-The-Curb-And-Let-The-Hood-Come-Out” Sister in Christ,

    favorisntfair

    P.S. The First Lady need to start hitting up the swap meet and hollering at Clarence befor First Sunday so she can get her hat order in. hmpfh!

  18. 18 damnfools
    February 17, 2009 at 3:15 AM

    If you ask Pat Riley, Sweet Minty Jesus was supposed to be back ages ago. And don’t point the finger at the Dickons, I mean Deacons. It still takes two to sin.

  19. 19 favorisntfair
    February 17, 2009 at 3:20 AM

    and 3 to gossip…and since I only know Pat Riley for coaching the Lakers, the Knicks and the Heat…I will not be looking to him for direction. However I will look for Pat Robertson to keep me abreast of Heaven’s events since he looks like he has Sweet BABY Jesus’s (get it right!)PIN number programmed in his Blackberry.

    I see I’ma have to suggest that we go over the 10 commandents in Sunday School…with Deacon Diva teaching…hmpfh!

  20. 20 damnfools
    February 17, 2009 at 3:22 AM

    Pat Riley is the Lord’s servant. How else do you think he got all those rings? Roberston on the other hand sold his soul to the devil about 25 years ago.

  21. 21 favorisntfair
    February 17, 2009 at 3:29 AM

    I thought it was divine intervention when the Heat got a ring…lol. See there…that is the enemy trying to discombobulate me off my focus! The devil is a lie…lol. Me and Clarence going to exorcise the n*gga right outta our church. Hallelu-yer!

  22. 22 damnfools
    February 17, 2009 at 3:32 AM

    See how the Debil got you confroosed? Now if Gawd can do things like that for the Heat, imagine what he could do if you put $50 on that McClaren payment.


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