Girl, Sit Your Dumb Ass Down

*helicopter roaring* I am reporting to you live from my pedestal and making good on my promise by bringing you 10 ways to keep your p*ssy on a pedestal. I know you didn’t think that because my favorite entertainer (of all time…besides Bey cause if she go before me, Ima have to be on an IV and be life-flighted to her funeral to sang) passed away that I forgot? I been in mourning but I’ma be skrong for the lawd and MJ and give it to you like you need it so you can live a long, prosperous life and be the PYT that I know you can be. No need to thank me, just cut the check, money order, send the EBT card or hit me up paypal style. or a comment in this motherfather would be nice; I mean d*mn, I got to write the post and comment in this bish?

*Pause Police…Had to take a break to see one of my favorite Pastor’s preach.*Okay, back to this ignant ish* an on to the business:

10 Ways To Keep Your P*ssy on a Pedastal

It takes 5-7 days for sperm to fertilize an egg. This is not enought time for STD results to come back and you to get to know a ninja long enough for condoms to not be used. (Bish, you commiting suicide!) If you sleeping with more than one person in this small amount of time you need to slow your hot arse down…you might as well be selling your arse if you gone give it away so freely and frequently.Your life is not a Thriller and even though sex is Human Nature, there is no need for hot monkey sex with random people, no protection and no regard for your p*ssy that is supposed to be on a pedestal. Get to know the person and determine if he is worthy of your goods…it takes more than a week if you didn’t know. *Just thought of a post down the road…not next week cause we got to get off of p*ssies and on to mandingo peens other isht*

Please stop handing out *free sample here* coochie coupons (with no expiration dates) to dudes you don’t know that well. All access coupons, cards and keys should be handed out to a dude that you know his name, his game, social security number, access codes, pin number an account number, STD resuils,. P.I. results and enough about him so you don’t end up like the dumb bish on Maury from last week.

Love who you wanna love but ummerruhhh lets keep the baby daddy to a minimum of one by referring to the previous 2 points before you start giving up the birthday sex.

Stop being a young club rat and bring your own money when you go to the club, bish, you already getting in for free. Booty tootin for shots of Patron only makes you look like the cheap chick he thinks you are. He has magnums in hs pocket for you…sorry I speak of no other brand a stimulus package for you later that is not approved by the Beloved One and you will be paying for that drink you slurping down sooner than later a return on his investment.

Stop being a old club gopher and bring your own money when you go to the club, bish, your old arse is already getting in for free. I don’t care what dude done told you about you being the baddest bish in the club, if you was bent over before he bought that Long Island…you just paid a top shelf price for a watered down, cheap drink. Bish, you oughta no better cause you too old for this isht.

If you are tired of ninjas running in/out your life and p*ssy close your door and your legs. Dirty Diana is only a song, not something to aspire to be. People only do what you let them do; an as long as its easy and free good and you giving it up emphasis on free again on a regula with no requirements they won’t Stop Til You Get Enough.

If you have all this free time to be on your back and you getting eviction notices, bish you need a job that comes with a paycheck, not them free jobs you giving out at the house the back of the club you bout to get put out of…prioritize please.

You should not need knee pads and the Morning After Pill for any dates…there is a difference between a freak, a hoe and a freaky hoe. *DISCLAIMER* Being a freak and a hoe for your man/husband is okay but being a freaky hoe for anybody is a problem…that’s another post though so move it along, you ain’t there yet.* If you are getting down like this during the courting phase yes courting, I’m old fashioned and that’s why I am approved to write on this topic, on top of my pedestal looking down at your hoe arse you will never become the offical girl and will remain in the freaky hoe category foreva! Unless there is a rare instance where you meet a simp and he is trying to turn a hoe into a housewife or temporary armpiece (see trophy girlfriend, beard,publicity stunt, escort to awards show). Humanitarian my arse…I ain’t never seen Oprah bent over like this for the kids in Africa.

If your arse is all they remember, they clearly do not want to Rock With You and you are a tip drill (yeah, I read my post after they hit the net Billy, its my Ego) and the only way this can be changed is if you stop giving your arse away to folks and refer ALL of the previous points. If you want to be treated with class, please get some. Its never to late to stop being a hoe.

Okay so you was at altar call last Sunday cause it was the day after the 4th of July and the fireworks show was in your bedroom. Okay, I’ll give you a pass this past Sunday since you still didn’t know no better a hoe without direction…smh. You got to be like Nike, Just Do It! Like I said last week, my Jesus-on-the-mainline-tellem-what-you-want is doing His job. Just say NO to HOEING and fill your time and life with more important things and be a lady…a sophisticated like Sheneneh and nem in the video above.

This has been my PSA and good deed for the day year. I really hope that I don’t have to revisit this top again. Pass this on to friends, family, and broads you don’t like but tired of hearing their “hoe is me problems”. If you have recently purchase your pedestal and sometimes have relapses, please print a copy of this post and hang it above your pedestal (and headboard).

Your play cousin in Christ,



2 Responses to “Girl, Sit Your Dumb Ass Down”

  1. 1 nba961
    July 9, 2009 at 2:24 PM

    AMEN!! I need to forward this to some people. lol

  2. 2 ~*Cherishedbyu*~
    July 9, 2009 at 5:57 PM

    u wrote this Chris?

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