Girl, Sit Your Dumb Ass Down

Why Are You Trying To Stop Me From Being Great? 

This is a list of people and things that are gone get the business (I’ma have to pop my trunk and get the Pumas and Vaseline out) if they don’t get up out my way. 

1. The Government- ummm yes, I’m talking about you. You have been forewarned to get my paperwork finalized and cut the check for school. I got the Commissioner’s number and I’m not afraid to use it. Hmpf! 

2. Those messy bishes at my job- You betta scratch your arse, get glad and get with the program cause your funky attitude and “notifying your manager about what you think I should be doing” is gone make my foot have a meet and greet with your arse or get you tossed up and tossed in one of those refrigerators in the warehouse. Bishes, I’m not going no where so trying to run me off is a lost cause. Be blessed 🙂 

3. Country Time Lemonade- Why must you be sweetened with High Fructose Corn Syrup? You have really destroyed my hopes and dreams of mixing my bottled water with you and having some ice cold lemonade between classes this Fall. I must wean myself off of you (thank God I’m down to my last canister of Pink Lemonade) since you clearly not changing to recipe no time soon. *sad face* 

4. Tootsie Roll Pops- You are one false advertising bastard. The bag says “Same Original Flavors With New Flavors Added!” You’s a motherfatherin lie and the truth ain’t in ya! There was not nan a new flavor in this bag I paid $2.69 for! No pineapple, watermelon and you gave me too many of those cherry (cough syrup flavor) pops. I will be sending a lengthy email to the Tootsie Roll Industries in the Chi…cause this is simply unacceptable! 

5. Mari Winsor- Okay, I shouldn’t be that hot at you cause you helping me widdle my middle and be more flexible but dang you have my stomach hurting in my sleep doing those core exercises. We gone have to touch an agree that I am supposed to be able to bend over with out feeling like I’m bout to give labor the next day. 

6.Dude That Lives in the Apt. Complex Behind Me- I do not want you. Stop eye-f*cking me when you outside in your Dee-bos smoking your cigarette on your patio. You live in an apt with your baby Momma and you seem to always be on the patio smoking when I’m coming or going (which is all the time cause I got it like that don’t judge me) When the f*ck do you work? I am so glad that you are moving so hurr the f*ck up and get that Penske packed and be gone with your chain smoking arse! 

7. U.S. Mail- I’m bout tired of you teasing me pulling into my neighborhood at 10a and I don’t get my mail until after 2p. This shat is unacceptable. What the f*ck are you doing, kicking it with your side piece/jump off or something? You need to do that shat on your off day cause my certification has changed and I’ll be d*mned if I wait til after 2p on a Saturday to cash my check cause I got shat to do (shoes to buy)! 

8. Emissions Testing Center- So, I failed YOUR test twice? Why is it that my car is less than 4 years old but I got to pay $800 to get a catalytic converter and new intake gaskets only to give this country arse county another $200 for a tag? A stack is almost 10 car payments for my car….I’ma need yall to give me a buy one tag get one free deal for next year cause this shat is ridiculous. 

9. Chevrolet- So the emissions warranty is NOW 8 years or 80K miles, huh? Oh okay, what about I drive my car through your showroom and find out how long the warranty is on those cars that are collecting dust and you begging folks to buy? Bastards. 

10. Bishes rocking lacefronts and thinking they fooling somebody- I have a Crackberry with video/camera with a flash on it now. You have been warned.  

 Retiring to my Prayer closet,


 *my apologies to Damnfools and readers for my late post. After fighting the powers of government evil, the sandman and procrastination got me. Forgive me and let me be great!


1 Response to “Girl, Sit Your Dumb Ass Down”

  1. 1 JPeezy
    August 6, 2009 at 2:01 PM

    bahahahahahahhaha this is so funny!

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