Posts Tagged ‘Jerry Springer Rejects

12
Jul
09

Say It Ain’t So, A Special Report

Rumor mill has it that Frankie…Keyshia Cole’s mother, is pregnant. I promise to my everlasting Heavenly Father on high that if this is true, yall gone have to see me on the other side in a PYT video w/MJ,James Brown and Rick James I’m Rich Bish cause this is some straight bullshat! I mean, I’m trying to understand this madness…but my friend said that its the fact that she can take them dentures out and suck a man’s balls through his toes that’s got ’em shook. *shout out to NBA…I’m still recovering from this statement* Fellas, please let me know is this one of the deal breakers that will have you forgetting all about child support payments, pushing strollers at the superbowl and turning in your singles for the strip club for coupons for pullups? What’s really good?

So classy.

-Favor is clearly not fair as shown above please respect it deal with it…SMH

01
Jul
09

Girl, Sit Your Dumb Ass Down

10 Reason You Might Need To Put Your P*ssy On A Pedastal

* Because you feel a need to embarass yourself, your family, your race and gender by appearing on Maury multiple times to find your baby daddy even though you are 3000075000021213213149873214% sure that HE is the daddy err time .

* You can’t remember the names of the men you’ve slept with don’t let these ninjas have you thinking its okay to do what they do…hoes get f*cked, not taken home to meet the parentsand have to check phone records and text messages to determine who you was with and when

* When all your kids are together, it looks like the “We Are The World” video *RIP MJ*side eye at this ghetto arse reference to the greatest.

* You are the young bish in the club begging and booty tooting for free drinks

* You are now the old bish in the club begging and booty tootin for free drinks

* You constantly complaining about the ninjas running in and out your life and your p*ssy, but you always crying about being alone

* Every date you go on requires knee pads and the Morning After Pill…if this is you, you’s a nasty bish and your p*ssy needs a vacation…on top of a pedastal preferrably til you learn how to respect it

* You get the D on a regular, but your lights are bout to get cut off and your rent is late. I’m not saying sell your arse but time is money and my sugar walls don’t get moist when I’m laying on my back wondering if the sheriff is going to forcibly assist me in moving at anytime.

* Ninjas know your arse when they see it, but not your face (Girl you a tip drill, you a tip drill – Billy)

* Every time the Pastor get to referencing hoes for an altar call, you the first one crying and running down there…err Sunday. Okay, clearly my Jesus is doing His part…please do yours and get your isht together….I’m bout tied of seeing you crying in your club dress and 5 inch neon green stilettos at the altar…this isht is ri-d*mn-diculous

If one or more of these points have struck a nerve, please find the nearest pedastal and cop a squat on it IMMEDIATELY. You do not have time to waste. I know you wondering, “But Favor, what is I’m gone do about my hoe ways?” Well, why you marinate and brainstorm on your transgressions, I’ma get on researching 10 Ways To Keep Your P*ssy On A Pedastal for next week. I gotta research cause my p*ssy is on a pedastal always.

Yo sister in Christ,

Favor

30
Jun
09

Let’s Dance, Lets Shout


So here I was watching the Black Embarassment Television awards and wondering, where’s the dance tribute? We all know that Mike wasn’t THAT great of a singer as an adult but as a showman there was none higher. So as I sat and listened to Ciara warble her way through “Heal The World” I’m looking around for C. Beaty or at least Usher to do SOMETHING. Turns out there was controversy in the camp as always. According to Necole Bitchie,

In fact, I hear BET eventually gave him the green light to perform before calling him back with the news that it probably wouldn’t be in their best interest. Why??? Let’s just say, Cover Girl (endorsed by Rihanna) was one of the sponsors of this year’s BET Awards and they threatened they would pull their sponsorship from the Awards show if they allowed Chris to perform.

That sponsor money will always win out in the end. Guess he’ll have to perform “Beat It” on his own time.

24
Jun
09

Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down

This is the shit that happens when you run your shit. I held off on reporting until some good shit went on. As we’ve been seeing the last few days, celebrity blogger Perez Hilton got his lip split after talking about “Fugly” Fergie. Well Will.i.am’s manager didn’t take too kindly to that and his fist had a meeting with Perez’s face. That was the recap. Now Perez’s bitch ass is suing dude, Polo Molina. I have a new goal for this year.

Step 1. Get invited to a celebrity party.
Step 2. Insult someone famous.
Step 3. Get my ass beat by said famous person.
Step 4. Pay off my student loans.

Don’t judge me.

27
May
09

Girl, Sit Your Dumb Ass Down

We’re always improving and expanding here at DamnFools so we’ve decided to dedicate a column strictly to the ladies. Frequent visitor and longtime commenter Favorisntfair has agreed to grace us with her opinion every Wednesday. Ladies, pay special attention and grab some knowledge, fellas, you might learn something too. And without further adieu, GIRL, SIT YOUR DUMB ASS DOWN!!!


This is the isht that happens when you mix the removal of layaway, a recession, bad credit and the thirst for living or at least watching the good life on TV. These high maintenance broads decided to personalize a stimulus package and steal a 52-inch TV from Wal-Mart. Now this is clearly a crackhead move to me, but they took the liberty of planning and executing this theft quite carefully by role-playing .*picks up a bone that fell out my closet* One of them posed as an employee in Wal-Mart gear (including a walkie-talkie for authenticity) and the other posed as the customer (and guide to direct her partner to the promise land). However, for the coup de gras, they gave Wal-Mart one more opportunity to provide the 100% customer satisfaction they pride themselves for by recruiting some of the real employees to help them load it up in their car, truck, trailer or whatever the hell they rode out in. These thieving bishes are still yet to be caught.

Wal-Mart might want to rethink that age 75 minimum for being a greeter. Thanks be to the baby in a manger Jesus their were no casualties as thieves typically go hard for the isht they work hard to steal and clearly checking receipts and smiling ain’t what it used to be. Check their references.

-Favor really isn’t fair…Deal With It!

20
May
09

Anytime, Anyplace

danica_wallace_jeremy_welch

Janet, sit your ass DOWN. You’ve got nothing on these two. Danica Wallace (24) and Jeremy Welch (29) were arrested for having sex in their car. Nothing out of the ordinary. The twist you ask? They were having it in the front seat of the love bug with Wallace’s 3-year old and 18 month old in the back. Imagine how traumatized those kids will be in the future. If anyone’s ever walked in and caught their parents having sex, you know what I mean. (GET OFF MY MOMMY!!!) When asked what the hell was going through their brains,

She reportedly stated they were having sex because they weren’t able to “do it” at their friend’s house earlier that night. When the officer asked Welch the same question he stated “We got horny and just wanted to !”

Being high and drunk didn’t help the situation much either.

19
May
09

The Realest Shit I Ever Wrote

Cruising Necole Bitchie, there was a groupie account of having sex with Ludacris. The fact that these hoes are on the internet sharing their slutty tales upsets my inner being but the commentary courtesy of Ms. Bitchie sums up this whole story for me. And I quote,

I hate to be blunt but why do groupies expect anything more than to get fucked? Especially if you screwing someone on the first date. I wouldn’t expect anythimg more than a dick in the box

Chuch, tabernacle, preach, Amen.




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